Epiphany 2017: “What if I follow?”

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“What if I follow?” Epiphany 2017 Painting by: Ronald Raab, CSC

“What if I follow?”

What if I follow the light and you are not home or if I follow and I bring all the gifts that I hope you will enjoy and you do not accept me or what if I follow what I think is the light and it is still my own power and self-sufficiency and pride and arrogance and I find myself basking in my own light that I cannot see the light that is in your face or what if I follow and all the pain in me is not changed and I come to the conclusion that the journey was not worth it or do I really have to be in the dark to follow the light to where you are or what happens with my past will I just wring my hands and stew in my own sin and will that all be left in the dust if I get to you and offer you what I think is important and the journey of my past has been a total illusion or how will I live anew if the grief I carry along my side in the nighttime is still stuck to the roof of my mouth and I will not have the courage to speak what I truly need and hope for and by the way I am not certain that I should bring hope with me because I am so stubborn to change anyway because I really like living in the dark that I carry in my heart after all as it gives me identity and I am not sure that I want to lose my identity on my journey through the darkness and to find you sitting on your mother’s lap under the beam of the star where I long to be relaxing in your mercy and forgiveness and comfort as I hold you in my arms at the same time you hold me in your heart as you long for me with all the love that is yours and now mine and for the whole world?

2 thoughts on “Epiphany 2017: “What if I follow?”

  1. These are the very kinds of things I am thinking in the middle of the night when I abruptly awaken and can’t shut back down…Whew

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