I stockpile my worries.
I hoard fear within me.
My childhood boogie man is under my bed.
I crate fear.
I store more fear than toilet paper.
My 401k melts before my eyes,
My children play innocently in the next room.
Not sure how I will support them.
I want the carefree souls they have.
I am jealous as hell.
I am afraid for those I love.
I fear death’s dark day.
My neighbor’s Christmas lights shine again.
I can’t see the light at the end.
I can’t see the glimmer within me.
I want to purchase another gun
But I know I can’t protect myself with weapons.
I am ready for a HAZMAT suit
But it will not protect my restless heart.
I fear my isolation.
I don’t know how to spend my time.
I want to look beyond me
But I am hoarding food.
Let other people earn their bread.
I want mine.
I want everything.
I deserve everything I own.
I blame politicians.
I blame God.
I blame the sneeze.
I blame the cough.
I blame my neighbor’s handshake.
I blame the media.
I blame the doctors.
I blame the fear.
I can’t go to a movie.
I can’t watch sports.
I can’t shop for clothes.
I can’t even go to church.
Jesus, where can I go?
I know. I know. I don’t want to admit it.
I can go to you.
For a generous spirit,
For a way of giving and not hoarding,
For seeing beyond my entitlement,
Seeing that all my stuff is illusion.
I know. These are unique days.
These are the weeks
To give you time to love me.
You will change my heart
And welcome my hand to serve others.